Warwick Bruce Chapman » humour

Letter: Sutcliffe must reject and remedy Dirtbin

Warwick Bruce Chapman — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 06:16:56 +0000

Editor

I have it on good authority that a request and motivation are to be forwarded to the City Manager that “Durban” be officially renamed to “Dirtbin”. I call on Dr Sutcliffe to reject this request, regardless of the very real merits of the motivation. He would, however, do well to heed the reasons why people from other parts of the country have started calling us “Dirtbin”.

Littering, dumping and going to the toilet in public go unpunished in Durban – and authorities like Durban Solid Waste are helpless as Metro Police do little to enforce the bylaws. Dr Sutcliffe, before you leave us, please get Metro Police back on the horse and enforcing the laws of this City.

– Cllr Warwick Bruce Chapman, Pinetown

It’s all Sue’s fault…

Warwick Bruce Chapman — Sun, 02 May 2010 22:08:36 +0000

Humour: Touch me on my studio

Warwick Bruce Chapman — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 14:51:14 +0000

Thank goodness for our ever-reliable South African sense of humour during these strange times we’re currently living in. Coming out of the now famous “(Don’t) touch me on my studio” saga on eTV has been various spoofs, remixes and now advertising.

The sheer audacity of it

Warwick Bruce Chapman — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 15:02:05 +0000

One of my staff has had the audicity to become employed with us while keeping from us the fact that she is a Blue Bulls supporter. Rest assured I have demanded her resignation.

It’s just not cricket.

UPDATE

I have discovered to my horror that one of our newest staff, a young intern, is a Horse Fly. I have reason to believe this fact was concealed from me and will be taking it up as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

… walks into a bar …

Warwick Bruce Chapman — Tue, 12 May 2009 07:34:51 +0000

I realised this morning that I knew at least four of these jokes, one of which is not very nice (sorry Celine Dion), so I thought I would share them:

Timmy
Timmy the toothless termite walks into a bar and asked where is the bar tender?

Pause (This needs to be performed more than read)

A polar bear walks into a bar and asks the barman, “Please could I have a gin and … (pause for 5 seconds) … tonic.”

The barman says, “Sure thing, but what’s with the big pause?” and the Polar Bear says, “I dunno, I was born with them.”

Celine
Celin Dion walks into a bar and the barman says, “Why the long face?”

The Duck (This also requires a little perfomance)

A duck walks into a bar as asks the barman for a bread roll.

The barman says, “Sorry mate, but we don’t serve bread rolls here”, to which the duck says, “Ok, well could I have a couple of slices of bread then?”

The barman says, “Afraid, not, we don’t server any bread here either”, and the duck, looking forlorn, says, “Not even an old crust?”

The barman, slightly agitated, says, “No, we don’t serve any bread”, but the duck insists, “What about a mouldy piece?”

To which the barman whispers firmly, “Listen, we don’t serve bread here, and if you ask one more time, I am going to nail your fucking beak to the bar!”

Calmly, the ducks as the barman, “Do you have any nails?”, and the barman says, “No.”

So the duck says, “And bread?”